


For a moment

by glimmerren



Series: Home [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:07:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26159278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glimmerren/pseuds/glimmerren
Summary: It was love... pure, unadulterated, all consuming love. Haechan and Renjun couldn’t ask for anything more.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Series: Home [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1899601
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	For a moment

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this fic came to me after listening to Ghost of You by 5SOS.  
> Wasn't able to proofread, sorry. 
> 
> Special thanks to my beta reader who I annoy with prompts that I never get to finish before I bombard her with another one. xoxo

Haechan fumbles with his keys as he hurries to unlock the door to their house.

**“I’m home,”** he says out loud as soon as he manages to open it only to be greeted by silence.

For a moment there, he forgot. For a moment there, he thought he’d be welcomed again by sparkling eyes and a warm smile. For a moment there, he didn’t feel alone. With a heavy heart, he can only stand by the door, taking in the emptiness of their abode once filled with laughter and love.

There, proudly hanging above the living room sofa, was their portrait that Renjun spent many nights carefully painting, every little detail as perfect as possible to his liking. The moles on Haechan’s face, the way their eyes sparkle, their genuine smiles, even the color palette used perfectly captured the emotions they felt- happiness, love and contentment. Whenever Haechan looked at that painting, he’d feel warm, happiness blooming from his chest causing him to go red with love and adoration. He remembered how he would stay up with Renjun as he painted, adoring his husband who had creases in his eyebrows as he tried to get every detail right. He remembered forcing the older to clean himself up to go to bed because it’s already late and they have to work early the next day to which the older’s response would always be asking for five minutes more.

_**“I just need to get the highlights on your face right,”** Renjun would say._

Now as he stares at it, he feels nothing but hurt and misery. It has been a year since but the aching of his heart made it feel like it just happened yesterday. It has been a year since but every waking moment, he’d always forget, arms reaching out to the now empty space beside him and he’d get up to stare at the space with the pillows untouched and he’d feel his heart break time and time again as the realization sinks that the love of his life is no longer with him.

Now, after a year, he still has to compose himself before he could venture further into their house. A house he bought with the love of his life, a house they cherished… filled every nook and cranny with various memories, all unforgettable… a house they made entirely their home.

  
Renjun, for the years they’ve been together before getting married, had always talked about owning a house with a big backyard and tall windows, and Haechan, oh dear Haechan, love-stricken- whipped, as the kids say- would only smile at the older as he goes on a tangent about how they would decorate it together, the fun they’ll have and how their children would be raised in such a loving home. It had only been three years since they got married that they'd saved up enough money to finally make his dream come true. For the next two years they spent in their home, they argued, laughed, stayed up during the weekends watching whatever shitty movie they see just so they’d have something to mock, fuss over and of course, laugh at afterwards. It was love... pure, unadulterated, all consuming love. Haechan and Renjun couldn’t ask for anything more. Waking up late and staying in bed during rainy weekends, just listening to the pitter patter of the rain outside was bliss and contentment wrapped up in sheets of cotton and a mess of tangled limbs. As the rain would stop and the skies would clear, Renjun’s eyes would be on his husband. Smiling, he’d say I love you unconsciously and when he would realize what he’d said, his smile would only get bigger, eyes forming crescents. Haechan, despite always hearing that, would always feel his heartbeat quicken, happiness slowly overtaking his senses and he would face Renjun, kiss his forehead ever so gently, draw circles on his nape, and say I love you too. Then they’d hug for what seems like forever until their stomachs start to growl. They’d laugh and get up, the younger heading for the kitchen to cook food for the both of them while the older fixes their bed, takes a shower, and soon after would join Haechan in the kitchen. It was domestic, they were in love, and perhaps would have remained in love if not for the accident that took Renjun away forever.

\---

It was another wednesday night. Haechan took extra hours at the hospital he was working for as a nurse. Renjun would probably be asleep on the couch by now, waiting for him to come home so they’d eat dinner together. He sent Renjun a text saying he’s on his way home and safely drove on to the main road. Renjun, despite Haechan saying that it’s okay if he eats before him, would consistently wait up.

_**“Dinners are important, duckie. We should eat dinners together. It’s okay if I wait for you, I don’t mind,”** Renjun would say again and again each time the younger brought it up. He didn’t really understand why the older was being stubborn about that._

_“I mean it’s just dinner,” Haechan thought to himself._ A year ago, he found out why his husband was adamant about that.

  
_**“Before mom and dad got divorced,”** Renjun spoke out of the blue, startling his husband who was welcoming sleep. _

_“ **we’d always eat dinner together. I wouldn’t be able to eat breakfast with dad because he’d be on his way to work as I was just waking up and I’d eat lunch in school with my elementary teacher because my parents are working. I’d look forward to dinner since we’d be complete by then. They’d listen to me ramble on about whatever new thing caught my attention in school, dad made jokes I wouldn’t understand and mom would just slap his arm, all the while laughing. Dinnertime was the liveliest our home would get. But then they got divorced, dad moved out, mom overworked herself to move on, and I got left all alone at the dinner table unable to comprehend what went wrong.”** Renjun sighs sadly after that, eyes brimming with tears. _ _Haechan pulled the older’s back closer to his chest and whispered,_

_**“I’m sorry, love. I promise you won’t ever eat dinner alone.”** He played with the older’s hair as Renjun silently cried until his breathing evened out._

  
Haechan pulled up on their driveway, hurrying because Renjun might be starving by now, not minding the empty space where his husband’s car would be parked because he was in a rush. Alarms only went off in his head when the door was still locked. Renjun will always have the door unlocked for him when he’d alert him that he’s going home. After fumbling with his bag for his keys, he opened the door to see that the tv was off. Another alarm went off. Renjun likes watching animal documentaries while waiting for him.

 **“Injun?”** he called out but received no answer. He walked to their bedroom but the bed remained neatly made. He went out to their backyard because Renjun probably got bored of waiting and decided to stargaze instead. But Renjun wasn’t there either. He checked every room, called out his name, but Renjun was nowhere to be found. He took out his phone only to see no response from the older.

“Strange, he hasn’t even viewed the message yet.” A chill suddenly crept up his spine as various scenarios played in his mind.

“No, he might just be finishing a part of his ongoing research. But he texts me when he does, he might have just forgotten about the time again.” He called Renjun’s phone but the older didn’t answer and the calls went straight to voicemail. He rang it again and again for about thirty minutes until he gave up and decided to call Renjun’s best friend and coworker.

  
 **“Nana?”** Haechan said as soon as the call got picked up.

**“Oh hey Haechannie. What’s up?”**

**“Renjun isn't home yet and I was wondering if he was still at the university?”**

**“Oh I thought he left? He actually left earlier than me, said he was cooking and that was about five hours ago. But I’ll call the guard for you. He might have forgotten something there. I’ll send you a text after.”**

**“Okay, thank you so much. Sorry to bother you about this.”**

**“Oh no worries.”**

  
He anxiously waits for Jaemin’s text as his mind wanders where his husband might be at eleven pm. This isn’t the first time that Renjun came home later than him but this is the first time that the older has not notified him about his whereabouts and didn't answer Haechan's calls which prompted the younger to worry even more. A ping from his phone interrupted his thoughts.

The text read **“The guards checked the faculty room and the library but he wasn’t there. Maybe he got distracted by puppies again? In any case, I’d call our friends. They might have seen him.”**

 **“Thank you, jaem. I’ll drive around for a while to look for him. Please text me if you find him.”** He replied.

  
Not bothering to change from his work clothes, Haechan locked the main door, got into his car, and thought for a moment.

“Where would you be, injun?”

Deciding to check the pet cafe where Renjun got distracted some time ago, he drove out hoping he’d find him there, cooing at the little puppies. When he arrived, the cafe was already closed.

_Haechan arrived home tired at eight pm. The emergency room was busy from the moment he clocked in during the morning until the time he clocked out. All he wants to do right now is eat dinner with Renjun, wash up, and go directly to sleep. He reached for the knob only to find that the door is still locked._

_“Strange,” he thought. Can’t be bothered to look for his keys that’s probably found its way at the bottom of his bag, he called Renjun. After five seconds, the older answered._

_**“Injuuuun,”** Haechan whined. _

**_“I’m here outside. Please open the door,”_ **

**_“What?! What time is it? Oh my god. I must have lost track of time.”_ **

**_“Huh? Why? Are you at the university still?”_ **

**_“No.”_ **

**_“Where are you then?” As soon as he asked, he heard a bark._ **

**_“Oh I’m at this dog cafe that opened a week ago, the one I told you about a week ago. But don’t worry I’ll come home now.”_ **

**_“That’s all the way in the other part of town, right? And you didn’t take your car, how are you coming home?”_ **

**_“Oh I rode my bike. Just get inside, it’s cold. We wouldn’t want you to become sick. I’m coming now.”_ **

**_“No, don’t. I’ll just fetch you from there and then we can eat dinner at that restaurant you told me about.”_ **

**_“But aren’t you tired? You sound tired. Just rest.”_ **

**_“No, Renjun. I am going there so I can meet the puppies and we’ll eat, okay?”_ **

**_“Okay. There’s this cute pomeranian that settled under my feet. I think he’s sleeping. I already took pictures of him.”_ **

_**“That’s great, injun-ah. What’s the puppy's name?”** Haechan asks as he drives out of the driveway, phone on speaker so he could listen to Renjun gush about every interaction he made with the furry creatures._

_Haechan arrived at the cafe, saw Renjun cradling a small pomeranian at the table by the corner, a smile on the older’s face as he proudly but carefully lifts the puppy for Haechan to see as he approaches them. It took a while for Renjun to say goodbye but Haechan assured him that they’ll visit the puppies again. And so dinner was spent in a fancy restaurant that wasn’t what Renjun was talking about but to which Haechan insisted on since they don’t really eat out often. Haechan was no longer tired when they arrived back home. Under the sheets, enveloped by darkness, he talked about his day with Renjun while the older listened, hands unconsciously drawing shapes on Haechan’s tummy._

He went to the park where he and Renjun would spend picnic dates but there was no trace of him there.

  
_It was already afternoon by the time Haechan woke up. He heard rustling coming from the closet and saw a crouched figure which turned out to be his husband. Renjun was too caught up looking for something that he didn’t even hear the other approach him._

_**“Aha! There you are,”** Renjun said, happily._

_**“Who’s there?”** Haechan asked, curiously peeking. The sudden reply startled Renjun, making him drop the picnic blanket he was holding._

_**“You’re awake!”** Renjun exclaimed, a wide smile adorning his face making the younger chuckle._

**_“Yes, yes. Sorry, I didn’t get to make breakfast.”_ **

_**“Don’t be silly. You worked overtime. Now, I need you to take a shower. Shoo!”** The older jokingly shoved him away and scampered out of their bedroom, holding something Haechan wasn’t able to see properly._

  
_After putting on clothes, Haechan went down only to see his husband busily loading some food on a basket._

_**“Oh, we’re going on a picnic?”** Haechan asked._

_**“Yes, we are. I figured we haven’t gone on a picnic for so long and since it’s saturday plus it’s not too windy nor is the sun too hot that today’s a perfect day to go on one!”** Renjun answered, excitement clearly etched on his face. One thing that made Haechan love Renjun is him finding happiness in everything. He could even give Renjun a box and the older would thank him. Haechan knows this because he did it. He pranked the older by giving him a box as a christmas present when they were still juniors in college but Renjun didn’t get mad. He even thanked him saying how he’s been meaning to buy a box for his art supplies but couldn’t find the time._   
_Haechan smiled and helped Renjun carry and load the basket on to the car._   
_Putting the key in the ignition, he faced the older and asked,_

**_“Where to? Beach?”_ **

**_“Oh I thought we could have a picnic at the park for a change.”_ **

**_“Park it is then.”_ **

_And so their Saturday was spent under the shade of a mighty tree just laughing at stories the other would make up, listening to the wind blowing and birds chirping, and watching kids and teenagers play as they feast on the food Renjun prepared. If someone would ask them if they get tired of each other at times, they’d say yes. But they’re just kidding of course for even doing nothing, as long as they’re together, is the most fun they’d ever have._

He went to the beach where Renjun would drag him to because he felt at peace near the water but he wasn’t there too.

**_“Come on, please. Please go with me to the beach.”_ **

**_“But it’s late already. You’ll catch a cold again and nag me about letting you go to the beach at night.”_ **

_**“Promise I won’t get sick. Please duckie,”** Renjun said, lips pouting._

_"There he goes again," Haechan thought. The older knows that the younger would do anything for him as long as they won’t get in danger and he also knows that Haechan can’t resist him pouting saying something along the lines of cute and weakness._

**_“Fine, but you’ll be wearing what I want you to wear.”_ **

_**“Yes, sir!”** Renjun says with a salute. But as Haechan pulls out multiple articles of clothing, he finds the older pouting again._

**_“Now what?”_ **

**_“But duckie… that’s too much. I’d die from heatstroke.”_ **

**_“No, you won’t. Wear these or no beach for you.”_ **

_Reluctantly, the older put on the clothes Haechan prepared for him. They drove to the beach. A chilly breeze blew in their direction but Renjun still pouted and complained that he felt hot._

**_“Injun-ah you can’t take off your parka.”_ **

**_“Fine.”_ **

**_“If you really want to feel the breeze on your arms, we can go back again tomorrow, okay?”_ **

_“ **Okay,”** Renjun replied, humming._

_The wind blew again, this time a little stronger. The older squealed._

**_“Too cold. It’s too cold.”_ **

**_“The stars are beautiful though,"_ ** _Haechan said, teasing the older._

**_“Still too cold.”_ **

**_“Want to go home?”_ **

**_“Yes please.”_ **

**_“Okay, we’ll come back again tomorrow when the sun is shining.”_ **

_But they couldn’t go back the next day because, as Haechan predicted, the older did catch a cold and he had to deal with a whiny and clingy Renjun who doesn’t like drinking medicine as much as he dislikes cold._

Haechan’s slowly losing his mind and decided to call Renjun again. His calls went straight to voicemail again. He was about to start crying out of frustration when Jaemin’s name popped up on his screen.

  
 **“Hello?”** he said, throat already constricted from keeping himself from bawling.

 **“Haechan,”** Jaemin sounded distressed and Haechan didn’t like that tone, not at all.

**“Haechan I think.. I… *deep breathe* I think he…”**

**“Please Jaemin, just tell me. I just wanna know where he is.”**

**“umm I think… fuck. Haechan I think he got into an accident. Fuck.”**

**“What?! How?! Where?!”**

**“It was on the news. I was calling Jeno when it was reported. He got hit by a truck with no brakes.”**

Haechan ended the call, not believing what he heard. It can’t be. They were going to have dinner together like they always do. Then they’d go to sleep, wake up, force themselves to get up when all they want is to stay in each other’s embrace, go to work, and eat dinner again while talking about everything from their work to the stray cat that Renjun would see as he emptied the trash. Haechan felt numb.

  
He searched on the internet for what Jaemin said and there it was… right on the first page written in bold letters… **Man died in crash with ten wheeler truck on * highway.** He checked the article, hoping it wouldn’t be the love of his life.

“Please don’t let it be him. Please don’t let it be him.” He repeated as he scrolled down.

As soon as he read the second paragraph, his knees lost strength and he sat down, head hung low, tears falling down while he punched the sand below.

 **“The man, now identified as Huang Renjun, died shortly after his car collided with a ten wheeler truck,”** the article read.

Haechan called Renjun’s phone again, hoping that was not real. That he was at home by now, that when he goes back, he’d find him there, smiling and very much alive. As he cried his strength away, he fell asleep lulled by the crashing waves and under the twinkling stars that Renjun cherished.

_**“Before I met you,”** Renjun said as they lay down on a blanket they prepared, his head on Haechan’s chest, the younger’s right hand playing with his hair while the other hand is wrapped on the older’s waist._

_“ **I talked to the stars about everything and nothing… just whatever comes to my mind. For others, it might be silly but I thought ‘hey, though there are a lot of them, the stars might feel lonely too’ so I voiced out my thoughts. They were my only companion when my parents got divorced. I’d come out to the backyard when all of the lights are off and just lay down on the unkempt grass and just say how I’m feeling. I asked how it was up there and said how sad and perplexed I felt. A cold gust of wind would then blow on my face, I’ll take that as the stars’ answer and though I hate the cold, I would feel a little less lonely. Though I no longer shared dinners with my family, I still looked forward to night time because then, I’d get to talk to the stars.**_

_**When university became too much to handle, I’d go here alone at night. Listening to the crashing waves, it made me feel at peace. As I floated and looked upwards to the stars, I felt small. I don’t like feeling small but here, I do. It was as if the ocean was stripping me from my problems. The stars and the water would make me feel small that my problems are but a speck in the universe and I’d feel renewed again. I’d feel me again. I always imagined how nice it would be to lay under the twinkling lights while staying silent, the only sound would come from the winds and the waves with the one I love. But for all the times I did, they couldn’t compare to the feeling I am experiencing right now that you’re here with me.”** _

_Renjun looks at the younger smiling, contentment oozing from the corners of his lips. Haechan falls for him all over again. The younger hugs him tighter. The older would laugh at how clingy Haechan is but would never complain for how could he when Haechan is all he ever wanted?_   
_Haechan would sing as they continue to bask in each other’s presence for this is all they’ve ever wanted._

Harsh sunlight woke Haechan. Standing up, he patted the sand off his clothes. For a moment, his mind is free from yesterday’s tragedy. But as waves crashed into the shore, so did the events that he wanted to run away from. It slammed unto him, drowning his mind yet again with sorrow.

A coldness he never felt before enveloped his entire being as he began to claw at nothing. Air seeming to escape him, he struggled to take hold of it. Nothing’s making sense. Nothing feels alright. Even the waters that brought him and his love serenity seemed confused for here was Haechan, alone and almost lifeless, as if the ocean can sense the trouble brewing in his mind when only a few days ago, he was laughing in the same spot to a joke Renjun made.

He wanted to be anywhere but here… he wanted to be at home, waking up to the familiar sight of ruffled sheets and the love of his life asleep still in his arms, a moment that’ll make him breathless no matter how many days, months, or years he had been and will be waking up to. He wanted to run to him, wanted Renjun to hold him again, keep him safe in his arms while the older hums whatever song’s been stuck to his mind. But he can’t. Because no matter how unreal it feels, no matter how badly he wanted for all of it to be a nightmare, the love of his life, the one who lights up his world, the person who’s responsible for the fire in his heart is gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to know what you think about this one. Please let me know in the comments. <3


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